This old man in his eighty's got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, "Where are you going?"
He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Why, are you sick?"
"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?"
She replied, "I'm going to the doctor too."
He asked why.
She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot!"

Following the approval of Viagra by the UK's health authorities, the first shipment arrived yesterday at Heathrow airport, but was hijacked on the way to the pharmacy distribution warehouse.
Scotland Yard has warned the public to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.

If the insurance companies are going to set guidelines before approving Viagra coverage, what are they going to use?
A growth chart?

Q: What's the clinical term for men who need Viagra?
A: Myccoxafailure

Q: What's the medical term for men who need Viagra?
A: Myccoxafloppin

Q: Have you heard the one about the lesbian that took Viagra?
A: She couldn't get her tongue back in her mouth for a month.

It's been revealed that criminals who steal Viagra will face stiff penalties.

A man and his wife went to the chemist to pick up his prescription for Viagra. Seeing the $10 per pill price, the man was astonished - but his wife had a different opinion - "Oh, $40 a year ain't too bad".

A man finally gets his prescription for Viagra. Anxious to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from work, but, in his excitement he forgets and leaves the package open on the table and his cockatiel eats all of them.

Seeing the results and panicking the man grabs the bird and stuffs him into the freezer to cool off.

Just as his wife comes home, the Viagra kicks in and it's hours later before he remembers the cockatiel. He runs and looks in the freezer expecting the worst, only to find the bird breathing heavily, drained with sweat and totally exhausted.

"What happened?" the man asks, "You were in there for hours and yet you're not only alive but you're sweating like crazy?"

The cockatiel pants: "Man, have you ever tried to pry apart the legs of a frozen chicken?"

There's a new beverage on the market...it's called Viagraccino - one cup and you're up all night.

And did you hear about the man who spent too much money on Viagra: Now, he's hard up.

We're told that the funeral home industry is happy about Viagra overdoses: Lots of new stiffs mean an upswing in business.

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner.
So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor's office.
She says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you suggested. It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes off the table, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravishes me right then and there on the table."
The doctor says, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."
"Naah..." she says, "that's okay. We wouldn't go back to that restaurant anyway."

Q: What do you get when you mix Viagra and Prozac?
A: A guy who is ready to go, but doesn't really care where.

Q: What is the difference between your first honeymoon and your second?
A: The first: Niagara; the second: Viagra.

All Drugs have a generic name.
Tylenol is Acetaminophen
Advil is Ibuprofen
Penicillin is Amoxycillin And so on...

What's the generic name for Viagra?
Mycoxafailin

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do you want?"

The man answered, "Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one in four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That won't do you any good."

The elderly gentleman said, "That's alright. I don't need them for sex anymore. I am over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't piss on my shoes."

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist,
"Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once,and I need something to keep me horny.. keep me potent." The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."
The guy says, "Gimme three boxes."
The next day the guy walks into the same pharmacy goes up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants.The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.
The man says, "Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat."
The pharmacist replies, "You're not going to put Deep Heat on that are you?"
The man says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

Generic Viagra is sold under the name Fix-a-Flat.

New Viagra eye drops make you look hard.

The man spent too much money on Viagra: Now, he's hard up.

Bread with Viagra as an added ingredient is being marketed through a Boston bakery under the name "Pepperidge Firm".

Did you hear about the first death from an overdose of Viagra? A man took twelve pills and his wife died.

, ...Then there was the man who got his Viagra tablet stuck in his throat and suffered from a stiff neck.

Have you tried the new hot beverage, Viagraccino? One cup and you're up all night.

How many doses of Viagra does it take to change a light bulb? One little tablet, and it's a whole new bulb.

The Viagra computer virus turns your floppy disk into a hard drive.

The Viagra Super virus then sucks all your data off the hard drive.

Viagra is now being compared to Disneyland - a one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.

Men taking iron supplements are warned that taking Viagra may cause them to spin around and point north.

The difference between Niagara and Viagra? Niagara Falls.

"Micro" and "Soft". Needs Viagra!

Viagra Lite: For people who only want to masturbate

For years the medical professional has been looking after the ill, to make them better.
Now, with Viagra, they're raising the dead!

If you're depressed and think you might need Viagra, see a professional.
If that doesn't work, see a doctor!

Are you taking Viagra, or are you just happy to see me?

The makers of Viagra have announced a plan to use proceeds from the sale of Viagra to finance the development of a pill for women that will make elderly men desirable.

There once was a man who could not keep it going with his wife.
He went to the doctor who gave him some sex pills. There was a label on the bottle that said "Take one pill for a great night." The man thought that he wanted a stupendous night so he downed the whole bottle.
In the morning the neighbors came over to find the man's son sitting on the porch crying.
"What's wrong?" they said. The boy replied, "Mom's dead, sister's pregnant, my butt hurts and dad's in the basement yelling 'here kitty"

One morning a long-wed couple were in an amourous embrace and the wife says: "Honey, that Viagra is so wonderful, let me fix us a nice full breakfast... eggs, bacon, toast..."
The husband says: "No, I'm not hungry, the viagra takes away my appetite."
Later in the day, the wife says: "Sweetheart, I want to do something for you, let me fix you a nice wholesome lunch, fresh salad with your favorite ingredients, steamed veggies, and some grilled fish fillets..."
The husband again refuses, "I'm just not hungry after using that viagra."
Long about dinner time, the wife tries again, "Are you hungry yet?, I'll fix a steak and potatoes dinner with hot rolls."
The husband still refuses, "No, that Viagra just kills my appetite."
The wife then firmly says "well, I'm getting something to eat, so get OFF of me!!!"

Viagra may cause blindness, this may be a good thing.
If you're at the age that you're taking Viagra, do you really want to see who you're sleeping with?

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names - a trade name and a generic name.
For example, the trade name of Tylenol is acetaminophen. Aleve is known anaproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin, and Advil is ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced it has settled on the generic name of "mycoxafloppin".
Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix and, of course ibepokin.

What are the main ingredients in VIAGRA?
HELIUM AND FIX-A-FLAT.

VIAGRA-SKI - Wonderful for those who have a hard time getting up on water-skis. Forty-five minutes after taking it, you'll get up and stay up, out of the water.

Dan Quail does not support Viagra. Quote: "I've been using this stuff for a week and NOTHING! It's the worst suppository I've ever used."

Men taking iron supplements are warned that taking Viagra may cause them to spin around and point north.

Viagra in Spanish, we're told, is "viejos agradecidos" or "greated old guys" (sic).

What happened to the lawyer when he took Viagra??? He got taller.

It's been said that if you take Viagra and Propecia (or use Rogain) at the same time, things work great -- but you look like Don King, afterward.

A Viagra delivery truck was high-jacked: The police are looking for two 'hardened criminals'. They expect a stiff penalty under the penal code.

Unconfirmed but frequent reports tell us that a man who overdosed on Viagra caused the funeral home problems - they couldn't close his coffin lid for 3 days.

Even so, we're told that the funeral home industry is happy about Viagra overdoses: Lots of new stiffs means an upswing in business.

New plans are being made to raise the Titanic. Experts plan to pump it full of Viagra, and expect it to raise right up.

Rumor has it that when a truck carrying a load of Viagra slid off into the Ohio River, all the lift bridges suddenly went up.

A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, "Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?"
"Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!" announces the proud physician. "They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history!"
So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry way.
A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the street. "Doctor, Doctor!" exclaims the man excitedly, "I've got to thank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful!"
"Well, I'm glad to hear that," says the pleased physician. "What does your wife think about it?"
"Wife? I haven't been home yet!"

For women not-in-the-mood, California bars now have Viagra-free zones.

And the New Viagra SMILEY FACE! :---)

What do the vacuum "dirt devil" and Viagra have in common?
They both put the power of an upright in the palm of your hand.

Did you hear about Levi's new jeans for Baby Boomer men?.... They come with just a "Viagra" more room.

Viagra Falls, the new waterfall that flows upward.

I would only take Viagra for intellectual purposes, so my head would swell!

If I give my computer monitor Viagra, will the screen get bigger?

Viagra, medicine's version of "MIRACLE-GRO."

Before Viagra, for some people, making love was classified as "assault with a dead weapon."

If you do need to take Viagra, remember to swallow them quickly otherwise you'll get a stiff neck.

Did you hear the first Viagra baby has been born?
It could stand up right away.

Did you hear about the snake that took Viagra and ended up as a walking stick?

A guy said that he left his Viagra tablet in his shirt pocket when he sent it to the laundry. Now, his shirt is too stiff to wear.

When in Pisa a mishap vehicular
Spilled Viagra a bunch in particular,
It had the effect
That tilt to correct,
Now that tower is quite perpendicular.

I take Viagra and Prozac together. If I can’t get it up, I don’t care.

Just heard on CNN that the Viagra ingredients list has been released. Viagra is 2% aspirin, 2% ibuprofen, 1% filler, and 95% Fix-A-Flat.

Just heard on CNN that the Viagra ingredients list has been released. Viagra is 2% aspirin, 2% ibuprofen, 1% filler, and 95% helium.

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido ..

"What about trying Viagra? asks the doctor.

"Not a chance", she said . "He won't even take an aspirin" ..

"Not a problem", replied the doctor . "Give him! an "Irish Viagra" . It's when you drop the Viagra tablet into his coffee . He won't even taste it . Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress . The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate . He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good"?

"Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in that Starbucks again!?